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My friend Mark sent me a link to - of all things - a $9.99 Henckels Birch Cutting Board for sale at Amazon.com. At first I couldn't figure out what he wanted me to see, and then I started reading the user reviews. Apparently a group of people have sort of hijacked the comments section and are using it as a creative writing playground. A couple of my favorites:
I really have tried, but no matter how hard I strike or what angle of attack I use, I've been consistently unable to use this board to cut down the birch tree in my back garden. Indeed, I do think that the lack of a sharp edge on the board may render this operation completely impossible.
I'm not sure if the problem is one of species - does anyone know how to tell a Henckels Birch from other varieties?
And . . .
I thought this should get back on topic, seeing as how many people, like myself, come here to see reviews, not shenanigans. I wish I was here only to read reviews, rather than write one. I was very disappointed with J.A. Henckels' effort here. I know it says "birch" on the webpage but I thought that meant "marble" and a marble board is what I was looking for. When I excitedly tore open the box all I could think was "uh-oh, splinters!" I know you're saying who gets splinters from a cutting board, but I lost my Nanna to an infection from a cutting board splinter and while I don't think it was birch, it's a cautionary tale just the same. I'm going to try and return it for a marble one, but can't say I expect much from J.A.'s sloppy customer service. We'll see!
And . . .
The board is the wrong scale. When it arrived, on the back of a military truck, there was major subsidance in the street, leading to the whole area being closed to road traffic.
Why can't they give you some indication of the size of the thing? I mean, if they'd only state that it is so immensly huge you could make an informed decision.
At the moment the board is leaning against the house's side gable, held in place by a mobile scaffolding rig. Most of the garden is cast in shade and even the hosta is dying. It has lead to friction with the neigbours who have complained about the lack of light leading to vitamin deficiencies and killed our pet spaniel with weedkiller.
At night it vibrates and emits a low hum. The radiation has improved my wife's orgasm, (only not when I'm around, unfortunately). This is maybe the only genuine advantage of the forty-one-foot Henckel.
It is looking at me now so I'd better st
[Heh.]
The U.S. Army has unveiled its new uniform design.
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